Children of the Heart

The Statesman: http://www.thestatesman.net

PUJA was adopted by Mr and Mrs Sharma. Everyone was happy, and the one word that could describe Puja’s life was “perfect”. Until one day, Lady Luck played a cruel trick on Puja — her parents died. Puja was the sole heir to all her father’s property. So everyone wanted to “take care” of Puja to get hold of the fortune. To save her from all this, the authorities of the orphanage, Puja’s former home, intervened and she was taken back there. Puja now leads a normal life and she has also passed her secondary board examinations.

Sukanya was adopted when she was just 15 days old. After a few months, her adoptive parents discovered that she suffered from cerebral palsy. All their dreams to nurture a bonny baby into a successful citizen were shattered. Unable to accept the bitter truth, they decided to send Sukanya back to the orphanage.

Shoba, 19, was ashamed to admit that she is an adoptive child. She has contradictory feelings about the whole concept of adoption. She’s curious to know about her “roots”. She feels that at around 18, a child should be given the choice whether the identity of his/her biological parents ought to be disclosed…From a booklet of The Missionaries Of Charity, Kolkata.
All the above cases have one thing in common…they project the reality faced by the not-so-lucky adopted children. The question that naturally arises is…when do people opt to adopt children? Says a volunteer working with The Missionaries Of Charity, “When a couple is unable to have their own child, they adopt.” Other reasons for adoption are the desire to give a “home” to an orphan, or the want for a child of the opposite sex. “Rarely, when a couple wants a second child but is unable to conceive, they adopt. Also at times, couples, keeping in mind the growing population of the country, adopt a child instead of having one of their own,” says another volunteer with The Missionaries Of Charity.

There are other complex reasons, too. Parents having the genes of hereditary diseases like haemophilia, thalassaemia, AIDS and the like, at times, opt to adopt children.

From 1975 to 1999, 7,500 children have been adopted in India and 70 per cent of them are in Kolkata. But the strange reality is that 75 to 80 per cent of the orphans are the ones who have been abandoned by their parents. And while adopting, most parents ask for a male child. To help parents eager to adopt children, different orphanages come up with schemes that are like “dreams come true” for many childless couples.

Through the new avenue, child adoption became a much simpler and easier process. The pioneer in this field was Khelaghar set up by the famous writer and social worker, Maitreyee Devi. Though today it is only an orphanage…no child is adopted from here any more. Orphanages set up by the government are at Liluah (for girls) which is looked after by Mrs Krishnamurthy; and at Anadaha (for boys) which is looked after by Hiranmoy Saha. Other licensed NGOs in this field are:
- The Missionaries Of Charity, 78, AJC Bose Road, Kolkata
- Indian Society for Sponsorship and Adoption (Saroj Sudh) 1, Kyd Street, Kolkata
- Indian Society for Rehabilitation for Children (Madhumita Roy)
- International Mission of Hope, (Sunil Prakash) 2, Nimoc Mahal Street (Kidderpore), Kolkata-43
- Indian Society for Children’s Welfare, (S Chowdhury) 22, Colonel Biswas Road, Kolkata-17

To gain an insight into the legal side of the matter, advocate Tarun Banerjee says, “According to the Hindu Adoption And Maintenance Act (HAMA), 1956, only Hindus are entitled to adopt Hindu children. A married couple, with the consent of the mother can adopt a child, though the father has to take the final decision. Later the rule was modified, and according to the verdict passed on 6 March, 1984, non-Hindus can adopt a child in the name of guardianship. Likewise, even unmarried people can adopt children. “But the criterion is that the age difference between the mother and the male child should be at least 21 years, while, again that between the father and the female child has to be 21 years, to avoid the budding of any unwanted relationship.”

The advised age-limit for adopting a child is three to fifteen years. When a child is brought to an orphanage, its day-to-day medical report is maintained. Applications and filled up questionnaire from parents are scrutinised. Parents are even allowed to get the child checked up by their own doctor. The final stage is registration that costs Rs 50. Abroad, after all these procedures, according to the local rule, parents have to confirm to the local court that the child is getting citizenship of that country.

Once a child is adopted, what does his future have in store? Should he be told that he/she has been adopted? Is he accepted by society? Is he alienated from his friends? How does he/she accept his/her adoptive parents? Says psychotherapist Mohua Roy, “If the children are aware that they have been adopted from a very young age, they come to accept the whole thing in a better way.”

As for the social reactions, parents who adopt children normally discuss it with their relatives before going in for it. Usually it is only after they have everyone’s consent that they decide to adopt a child. Social reactions are generally positive and supportive.

As nothing is concealed, generally no problem arises and everyone accepts things as they are. All the interviewed experts stress on the fact that from a young age, children should be made aware that they have been adopted so that they can accept the whole thing naturally. Adoptive parents are even counselled on how to disclose facts to their child. In the long run, do these children sometimes feel that they could have been happier had they been living with their true parents? Elucidates a volunteer at The Missionaries Of Charity, “Well, no, at least we haven’t come across such a child. Actually these children accept everything and adapt themselves so well that the concept of ‘true parents’ doesn’t exist for them.”

But then perhaps, cases like Shoba’s (as mentioned earlier) are exceptions! Exception proves the rule! Perhaps the upbringing of the child reflects his/her position in the eyes of the world. As every cloud has a silver lining, the negative aspects should not be a deterrent to anyone. The scenario is fast changing. As they say, “comment is free but facts are sacred”. Check out the facts!

Mr and Mrs Mukherjee are noted professors. They had a son so they adopted a daughter. The social workers who visit their family frequently find the girl happy and satisfied. Mr and Mrs Mukherjee now look after post-adoption counselling of other parents. A couple (identity withheld on request) at The Missionaries Of Charity said that they were there to adopt a child because they were unable to have a child of their own. “It makes us feel happy and satisfied,” they said. The bitter reality initially came to them as a shock, but being there to adopt a child they felt, “As if our whole world has changed.” They were beaming with happiness.

Rahul used to work in Mr and Mrs Chakraborty’s house. When the couple couldn’t have an issue of their own, they adopted Rahul. Today, Rahul is 35 years old. He holds a good job in a reputed organisation. And when Mr Chakraborty died, he made Rahul the sole heir to his property.

According to HL Mencken, “Human existence is always irrational and often painful but in the final analysis it remains interesting.” There are ups and downs in everyone’s lives, but the secret of living a happy life is to take everything in one’s stride.

After all, take a look at our mythology which abounds in stories of adopted children. Sita was an adopted child, so were Krishna and Karna! Stories of yesterday and today prove but one thing — children of the heart are no less dear and precious than children of the womb!

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